“Nonreligious couples in America who do not want to be married by a traditional religious authority have limited options apart from a civil ceremony if they want their wedding to be legally valid. In the United States, each state regulates marriage differently, although all require a marriage license issued by civil officials. The vast majority of couples who wish to marry have only two options: a reli- gious wedding performed by clergy (often labeled a “minister of the gospel” in state marital statutes) from a recognized religious organization or a secular wed- ding performed by a designated civil official (such as a judge). Religious ceremonies are often performed in churches or other religious buildings, but can also take place at other sites, depending on the flexibility of the clergy person per- forming the ceremony and the requirements of the religious tradition. 

The specific content of these ceremonies depends upon the dictates of the religion and the choices of the individual minister. Civil ceremonies usually take place in city halls or courthouses, although some civil officials may choose to perform cere- monies at other locations and times, depending on where and when a couple wishes to marry. Due to the constitutional prohibition on government establish- ment of religion, and since civil officiants are agents of the state, these ceremonies are supposed to be secular. Some states allow additional alternatives for couples, such as getting married by a notary public by someone who become deputized for a day, or by self-solemnization, but these are not options in most states.

Secular wedding options usually do not provide the personalization that modern couples desire, or else are not legally valid. While tens of thousands of couples marry in civil ceremonies each year, courthouse weddings are typically standardized ceremonies led by a stranger with little tailoring for the individual couple. Aside from civil ceremonies, there are several secular organizations that authorize trained celebrants to perform weddings, including the Center for Inquiry (CFI), the Humanist Institute,15 the Humanist Society,and the Celebrant Foundation & Institute. The Unitarian Universalist Association (UUA) will also perform atheist weddings. Although many couples get married by using such cel- ebrants each year, several issues limit their reach and appeal: the process of be- coming certified is lengthy and costly, few states recognize marriages solemnized by secular celebrants, and couples who want a personalized wedding prefer someone they know to officiate it.

In order to become a celebrant with one of these secular organizations or the UUA, one has to undertake a period of training, pay fees, and submit to the rules of the certifying body. For example, to become a CFI secular celebrant, an individual must become a member of the CFI, attend a training, obtain letters of recommendation, write an essay describing one’s worldview, interview with CFI directors, obtain approval, and pay initial and yearly fees. Similarly, the Humanist Institute requires applicants to complete online training; the Humanist Society requires an application, a fee, and membership in the American Human- ist Association; and the Celebrant Foundation and Institute requires lengthy training and higher fees in order to become a “Certified Life-Cycle Celebrant.” These rules make it hard for nonreligious couples to have someone they know become certified to perform their ceremony. Furthermore, most states do not per- mit celebrants trained by secular organizations to solemnize legal marriages, and there are very few secular celebrants in states where this is permitted. The UUA, by contrast, is recognized by every state as a religious organization whose marriage solemnizations are valid.

More importantly, none of the couples I interviewed considered a secular celebrant because such celebrants pose the same problem as clergy and civil officiants: lack of a personal relationship with the couple. The driving motivation for nonreligious couples to ask their friends or family to become ULC ministers is so that they can have someone they know well perform an intimate, heartfelt wedding tailored to that specific couple, while reflecting their nonreligious worldviews. A celebrant trained by one of the aforementioned secular organizations or a UUA minister could offer a customized ceremony, but she likely would not be someone with whom the couple had a prior relationship; instead, she would be a stranger who the couple contracted for a service. A friend ordained online by the ULC, for free, without any creedal commitment or organizational oversight, allows nonreligious couples to marry however they wish assured that their ceremony will be recognized as legal.”

“While it is tempting to treat the nonreligious as a homogeneously secular group, we find evidence for distinct beliefs and practices among the SBNR as they entertain a variety of spiritual options that lie beyond formal religious doctrines to anchor their worldviews.”

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“Future scholarship should examine more fully the commingling of sacred and secular, carefully noting how conceptions of religiosity and spirituality are defined differently by scholars and by subjects themselves, and how various labels can overlap. For example, some evangelical emerging church folks may self-identify as Christian but also as “spiritual, but not religious.” Others may claim to be both atheist and Buddhist, or agnostic and Catholic. And curiously absent is the contingent of folks who claim to be apathetic about religion; do they fit into scholarly boxes such as atheist, agnostic, spiritual, etc.?”

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